Advice to tourists in New York City

Yes summer has arrived, and so I’m being annoyed by tourists (again)

Yes it’s true, New York City is the best city in the world, and while in theory there are 5 boroughs in New York City, this is just a technical “fact” , and is worthy of dispute. If Brooklyn were situated fifty miles or more away from Manhattan it would probably be the second best city in the country, but it’s not.

Manhattan is the best city in the world, and those who know Manhattan call it New York City. Everything else (while full of sports teams with the NY association) are not New York City. The other boroughs of NY (Bronx, Brooklyn, New Jersey, Staten Island and Queens) along with the wannabe states are just not New York City.

As a resident of Manhattan you may think this is just arrogance, but actually I would love the world to recognize that NYC is more than just Manhattan, but it just does not!

I would love it if the world recognized that NYC was a much larger area, and then maybe some of the more annoying attributes of millions of tourists would be diluted.

Here are a few of the most annoying summer actions of your average tourist.

1. NYC is a fast moving place, where walking speeds of 6mph are normal. Therefore walking at 1mph 4 abreast is a terminal crime.

2. Map reading and photo taking are activities that can only be accomplished while standing AT THE SIDE.

3. Red lights for pedestrians mean you should only cross the road when it is clear; it does not mean you have to stand on the street corner blocking the junction for all normal people if there are no cars coming. Also don’t blindly follow someone else as you will be killed crossing the street. Lean to use your eyes.

4. Renting a bicycle when you have no idea how to ride a bicycle is not a good idea on NYC streets, unless you want to win a Darwin award.

Actually if you are planning to be a tourist in NYC here is some excellent advice:


1. Book a hotel in time square, see the lion king, eat at buba gumps, get photographed with elmo, take a bus down to wall street and then go and spend a week in Brooklyn. You will have a great time and you won’t pollute the delicate sensibility of the city .


2. Stay at the Waldorf, get a great pair of walking shoes, put away the phone and map, walk in single file for eight hours a day at six miles per hour for four or five days and see it all. Just don’t try and rent a bike, take photos that block the flow of others or mess around crossing the road.

It’s one or the other, you’ll have a great time, and so will everyone else.


Support our Troops

A crowd of crazy lunatics blew a hole in the side of a US embassy in the Middle East and also attacked another building about a mile away. These nuts did it under the misapprehension that killing Americans and maybe some local staff who work for Americans could in some why help their deluded cause.

In the case of the US embassy in Benghazi 4 people were killed, The US ambassador , another US diplomat and two American Security staff. Another ten people were hurt in the attacks.

It should be noted that Bengahzi is in the country of Libya, a country with a history of creating crazed terrorists, including the ones that blew up an airliner passing over the Scottish town of Lockerbie on its way to America killing 243 passengers, 16 crew and 11 people who were living in the town of Lockerbie.

Many other countries embassies have been attacked in the country of Libya, many other Libyan terrorists have tried to kill people in other countries around the world.

At around the same time (within the previous week and the next week) as the 100 or so crazies in Benghazi were screaming and killing, several other groups in other countries around the middle east were screaming and terrorizing other locations.

Whenever and wherever terrorists attack, the response from the world has always been a mix of solid condemnation of the terrorists, and a solid front of stoic resilience, showing no outward change that would give the terrorists any reason to believe their horrific actions had in any way changed the way the world works and a solid underground effort to bring those who were responsible to account.

The basics of dealing with criminals is : Never pay a ransom, never let an act of terror achieve its goal of creating terror and find and bring the bastards responsible to account.

To honor the memory of those who were hurt and/or killed, never let the terrorists succeed in creating terror.

And that is why the stupidity of the republican campaign to publically find a way of linking the terrorist attacks in Libya to a mistake by the Obama government is so abhorrent. It is giving terrorists a reason to repeat their cowardly acts.

In effect those who are publically castigating the white house for purely political reasons are aiding the cause of the terrorists. This is cowardly and wrong.

When diplomats and security staff take roles in dangerous countries they are doing it to support their country. It’s an act of bravery and they need to be honored for their service. If they are hurt while on active service, they should be honored for their service.

Those who use an act of terror for their own political benefit are bringing themselves down to the disgusting level of the terrorists.


People who stand in doorways make me ANGRY

Okay people, when you go through a door, keep going. The idea of a doorway is to allow the transition of people and things from one place to another. It is not a destination in itself. And this is doubly true for train doorways!

What the hell are people thinking when they get on a train and stop dead in the doorway. I can only assume the answer to this question is either

1. Nothing


2. It’s okay to be a selfish bastard and block the doorway because they want to get off at the next stop.

Let me explain something to these people. If you are thinking “nothing”, then try thinking nothing away from the doorway, it will save you be zapped with a tazer, which is going to happen sooner than you think if you stand in doorways.

If on the other hand you are a selfish bastard and are blocking the door intentionally then please accept this 100,000 volt charge with the same level of disregard.

Go ahead punk, make my day!!!!