Advice to tourists in New York City

Yes summer has arrived, and so I’m being annoyed by tourists (again)

Yes it’s true, New York City is the best city in the world, and while in theory there are 5 boroughs in New York City, this is just a technical “fact” , and is worthy of dispute. If Brooklyn were situated fifty miles or more away from Manhattan it would probably be the second best city in the country, but it’s not.

Manhattan is the best city in the world, and those who know Manhattan call it New York City. Everything else (while full of sports teams with the NY association) are not New York City. The other boroughs of NY (Bronx, Brooklyn, New Jersey, Staten Island and Queens) along with the wannabe states are just not New York City.

As a resident of Manhattan you may think this is just arrogance, but actually I would love the world to recognize that NYC is more than just Manhattan, but it just does not!

I would love it if the world recognized that NYC was a much larger area, and then maybe some of the more annoying attributes of millions of tourists would be diluted.

Here are a few of the most annoying summer actions of your average tourist.

1. NYC is a fast moving place, where walking speeds of 6mph are normal. Therefore walking at 1mph 4 abreast is a terminal crime.

2. Map reading and photo taking are activities that can only be accomplished while standing AT THE SIDE.

3. Red lights for pedestrians mean you should only cross the road when it is clear; it does not mean you have to stand on the street corner blocking the junction for all normal people if there are no cars coming. Also don’t blindly follow someone else as you will be killed crossing the street. Lean to use your eyes.

4. Renting a bicycle when you have no idea how to ride a bicycle is not a good idea on NYC streets, unless you want to win a Darwin award.

Actually if you are planning to be a tourist in NYC here is some excellent advice:

Either:

1. Book a hotel in time square, see the lion king, eat at buba gumps, get photographed with elmo, take a bus down to wall street and then go and spend a week in Brooklyn. You will have a great time and you won’t pollute the delicate sensibility of the city .

Or

2. Stay at the Waldorf, get a great pair of walking shoes, put away the phone and map, walk in single file for eight hours a day at six miles per hour for four or five days and see it all. Just don’t try and rent a bike, take photos that block the flow of others or mess around crossing the road.

It’s one or the other, you’ll have a great time, and so will everyone else.

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